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I am grateful, now fuck off.

It was some time between midnight and 3am. I was dead asleep. I’d fed the littliest at midnight so it was after that, and it was before he woke up for a feed at 3am. This hardly matters, because that time of night is Hell unless you’re pashing, happy drunk, smoking in a bar, dancing, or on drugs – y’know, generally having a fulfilling life that doesn’t involve milk dripping out of your breasts or playing the fart or shit game.

So, I’m asleep and I feel this tiny hand on my face and then there’s a kiss on my forehead. And for a second I’m confused like – did the tiny one do that? He’s only four-weeks-old? Is he a mutant? That would be amazing.

And then I realise it’s my big baby and I pull him into my arms while still asleep and think “oh he’s delicious”. But then he elbows me in the tit and says “JAY JUNGLE MAMA” and I’m like “ughhh fuck you’re not delicious at all. What is that smell?” And I tell him to be quiet and I cuddle him and he says “NO JAY JUNGLE” and he climbs onto my chest and it hurts so bad because my boobs are about to explode. And then I cuddle/smother him and spend the next 40 minutes or so (who knows how long it was – it felt like days) getting him to sleep. And then I got him to sleep and I got up and I went to the bathroom and I came back to this:

Bed

And I was like “FUCK THIS SHIT IT’S MY BED. WHY ARE YOU EVEN UPSIDE DOWN? WHY CAN’T I HAVE ONE SPACE THAT IS MY OWN? WHY ARE YOU ALMOST THREE AND YOU SLEEP WORSE THAN A NEWBORN? WHY IS THERE NEVER ANY ROOM FOR ME??”.

And even though this was an internal scream the little one woke up angrily demanding a feed. While feeding on the floor I took a photo and I put it on Facebook and Twitter. And on Twitter I said ‘sigh’ because the parents on Twitter get it. And on Facebook I did a slightly longer comment because I was trying to be a bit light hearted because…well, we will get there…

So, I said “How come it’s my bed and there’s never room for me in it?” Which you’ll note is not “FUCK THIS SHIT…” It was meant to be funny, a way for me to be like “see?” without being like “OMG KILL ME SEE?” And then I got this message, which I fucking always do, from a friend’s mum. It said: “Be grateful for your boys. They will be adults before you know it and they won’t want to sleep with you. You should enjoy this time”. And I was like OK, I hope I’m never so unstable that when my sons are in their 20s I want them sleeping with me. But aside from that – CAN YOU NOT?

I know the first thing I’m going to be told is “people are just trying to be nice! They’re trying to comfort you”. Yeah, yeah, it’s hard to be charitable when you’ve had two hours sleep. Here’s the deal – trying to be helpful or not – it isn’t. It isn’t helpful. It’s condescending, patronising, and it’s actually (without being melodramatic but maybe a bit melodramatic) it’s dangerous.

Constantly telling parents – Be grateful! Be grateful! One day they won’t be shitting on you! And you’ll be like “omg, I long for the days when I was covered in sour milk and diarrhoea!” So – be grateful! You might be so exhausted that you’re crying on the toilet but these are the best days of your life SO BE GRATEFUL – leads to those parents shutting down and never sharing how they truly feel. It leads to parents not having support networks. It leads to parents walking into parenthood without any idea of how hard some moments, some days, can be. It leads to such unfair expectations on parents – enjoy every minute or you’re a fucking monster. It leads to feeling like you’re doing it all wrong.

I am so grateful for my kids. I can’t even put into words how grateful I am. So I don’t need you to tell me to be grateful. I am. Guess what – I can be so grateful and so tired. I can be so grateful and so fucking over it. I can be so grateful and also imagine not having kids and just pashing and dancing and drinking bourbons till I puke.

These comments always come from people with grown kids. And I get it. Maybe? I mean when the boys are in their 20s I might be wishing they still lived with me and needed me 24-7. I mean, I kind of hope in my late 50s I’m acting like I was in my early 20s – boning their dad, drinking bourbons, going to gigs, spending all my money on band tee shirts and fast food. But I digress – I get it kind of. Your kids are grown, you miss them, you see parents at the beginning of their parenting journey and it makes you nostalgic. I get that there’s no malicious intent.

But just again – can you not. Because when I make a heavily sanitised comment about not sleeping and you make a comment about being grateful, it implies I’m not grateful. And in my sleep deprived state it makes me feel like an asshole.

And this might seem like an overreaction to a comment, but I (and other parents) get it All. The. Time. The other week I said: “Just as one little bogan falls asleep, another little bogan wakes up. They’re like a tag team” and I got one comment and three messages with the “one day you’ll miss it/be grateful” message. I get it about once a week. And the more I get it the more I feel like I can’t talk about the hard parts of parenting, or the things I’m struggling with. Because I don’t want to appear ungrateful for my awesome kids, even the one that hates sleeping. And you see how that’s a problem right? So, here are some things you can say instead of be grateful:

  • I don’t remember how hard it was never sleeping because I’m retired and I sleep until 10 now and I spend all day playing Candy Crush. SO I’m just going to shut the fuck up. (Might be too specific).
  • That sounds tough, want me to drop you over something with chocolate in it?
  • You don’t look tired at all. You look like a glam actress who only eats paleo stuff and drinks grass smoothies.
  • I heard kids who don’t sleep are smarter than kids who do.
  • Parenting is really hard sometimes. It’s ok to find it hard sometimes.

xB

Update: wow! I’m really overwhelmed by the response to this post. Thank you so much for all of your comments. I wish I could reply to every one – but I’m typing one handed because cluster bloody fucking feeding. But thank you – I feel less alone and I hope you do too. Also, I love the idea of #iamgrateful!

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1,161 Comments

  1. Even with “good sleepers” those first few years were hard, hard work. Full of challenges and difficulties and delights. They’re incredibly intense years, and there’s very little let-up or rest. It does get better, but then the challenges and difficulties and delights just change.

    Great post, Boganette.

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  2. You are amazing. I was never this coherent during the times of no sleep and frankly would probably struggle now, and the youngest is almost 9 and hasn’t slept in our bed for some time. I do look fondly upon the photos of little ones in their bonds onesies, that photo you take just before they vomit or crap themselves. I sometimes wish I could hold that baby again but if you offered me a timemachine to go back and do it all again I would decline.

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  3. arlene johanna

     /  February 28, 2015

    They are almost all in their twenties now. I can still go crazy at the thought of, not their nursing, but the crazy-ass second hand that somehow needed to tweak my second nipple while they nursed. Four kids, family bed, nursed them all and I’m glad. I’m glad I did it even though it was hard. I’m glad I didn’t give in to an idea that the human sleeps alone (they have found beautiful people or pets to share their bed now… none of them really sleeps alone) AND I’m glad they are grown. And you are a good mom for sharing your bed. PS. The joint smoking stretch in adolescence is equally as exasperating (And I like the occasional joint…not because I don’t like joints… just because it’s kinda like the second nipple thing). PPS I really loved parenting. And it was the fucking funniest when they would make me laugh in superhero costumes while eating one or two favourite foods over and over. And I don’t forget the tiredness. I think people who forget it was hard didn’t have the right (for them) number of kids… and if they had had the one extra they would remember.

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  4. Anon

     /  February 28, 2015

    I totally hear you! I get the whole grateful thing more than ever from my mum since my younger brother passed away last year at age 32. I get that she’s missing him and would give anything to relive any moment with him but there are times were the kids just do.my.head.in. And yes I am grateful, I love them to the moon and back and then some, just it’s not always easy!

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  5. These nights are exactly why i only have two children. Bless you for putting it so wonderfully, bless you for being sble to put a logically sentence together whilst SO sleep deprived you may just fall asleep reqding this. Bless you for making my thoughts ok, I am so grateful for my beautiful babies ( now 10 and 4) but fuck me those days were hard!

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  6. julie

     /  February 28, 2015

    I am grateful for this post!

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  7. Gabby

     /  February 28, 2015

    I am someone with older kids- and I sometimes think back and wish that I had been calmer and able to see how wonderful those moments would be as memories. That’s what older mums are putting on you- their regret! I, for one, am grateful for the peace and quiet I get most days, the supermarket shopping alone, being able to eat a meal when it’s hot, watch a movie uninterrupted and most of all sleep uninterrupted. Easy to look back through rose coloured glasses, the truth is sometimes (or much of the time) it sucks to be selfless-only thing to be grateful for at this stage is getting through it without killing or abandoning anybody!!

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  8. I think this is really important for people to know and remember. I know it to be true personally and it is one of the big complaints on any mommy group I’ve seen. We understand people mean well, but when you have been reduced to an animalistic survival state just to cope with the crazy that is your kid(s), your sense of humor has usually been devoured in your minds attempt to keep you from eating your young.

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  9. Jos Cox

     /  February 28, 2015

    While I won’t say raising babies was all sweetness and light by any means, but it is also ‘different strokes for different folks’. Full disclosure: I did have a highly supportive Mum who minded the babies/kids as often as I wanted (I think she secretly wanted to steal them from me), didn’t have that much sleep deprivation, and after the first two being a bit less than 2 years apart I realised I could not (well, didn’t want to) do that again (wanted to appreciate each baby on its own) and put 4 to 5 years between all the rest (did mean I had toddlers around my feet for a long time). What broke me (or very close to it; when I felt most alone and defeated, and like I had done it all wrong) – partly ‘cos I thought I had done a pretty good job of being a mother (and it was the only job that was important to me) was teenagers who seemed to hate me. I was not ready for that.

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  10. How can I send this article to my mother in law without her thinking I’m a total bitch? I love this post so much. I have a 17 month old who is going through seperation anxiety and someone said to me “she will never want you this much again so enjoy it.” Yeah I really enjoy the stomach ache and guilt I feel when dropping her off at daycare.

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  11. Amen sister!!!! You can say this shit to me WHENEVER YOU WANT. And I will never, EVER tell you to be grateful. Promise.

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  12. WAY to go. not WHAT to go.

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  13. feel your feelings, mama! what to go!!!
    you are a great role model for your kids. they will grow up knowing how to feel their feelings too.

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  14. Megan

     /  February 28, 2015

    I can so relate. Yes, my two are now primary school aged but I remember.

    I remember the extreme tiredness. I remember understanding why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. I remember having years of having no personal space . Of feeling touched out. Of children that really didn’t sleep. Of constant trips to the doctor and hospital. Of my world getting smaller and smaller. And then it did get better but it took some understanding I couldn’t soldier on. Yeah, I had depression…and had to admit to it. I embraced it in some ways so that I could tell other women that it isn’t all sweetness and light. And that the day to day stuff of being a Mum is freaking hard work and all encompassing, no down time, no goofing off… at least that was my experience. But that there is a difference to it being just hard versus not coping at all.

    The best advice I got is that everything is a stage… and they all pass – good or bad. Really hard to sometimes believe that when there is no such thing as a work week, a sick day, a day off, etc etc.

    Oh and I never got that gooey baby stuff. Never. And the silly thing is I felt inadequate. I still don’t coo at a baby because well… babies aren’t my thing.

    Now that I the kids are older they can dress themselves, make their own lunches, entertain themselves etc and I have different parts of my life again. They still sometimes wake in the night, or need to talk through a tough situation or debate the not to be debated. But I have to say I love this stage. They are intelligent humans that make me laugh, smile and worry. Of course this too is a stage.

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  15. Reblogged this on Brain Noodles and commented:
    This is a fabulous blog!

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  16. YES! So sick of the guilt trip when parents are actually honest about how crappy parenting can be – how painful, tiring, frustrating, gross, smelly, annoying. It’s also hilarious and loving and rewarding but not all the freaking time!
    Is it any wonder parents are laid low by post natal depression when they can’t talk openly about their experiences without being told to suck it up?
    Great post – thanks so much for sharing xo

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  17. Katherine

     /  February 28, 2015

    Many moons ago one night my son was trying breastfeeding feed and couldn’t because his appetite had increased. He was crying, I was crying
    . Tony came in and told me to go to bed. 5 minutes he had our son a sleep. I sorta hated him. I do all the work and he got the reward. I love all of them☺

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  18. Nicola Hutton

     /  February 28, 2015

    Absolutely F. A. B. Love this article and loved the original facebook post. I read it shortly after you posted online and smiled to myself ‘coz I loved the honesty, the realism of it and it was something I instantly connected with. I was in the exact same position, at the exact same time – my bed but no room for me. Thanks for making this single parent’s lack of sleep, lack of space an enjoyable experience where my true feelings could be shared. Even though the sharing was just with me. Have a great weekend and way to go lady 😄

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  19. Marie

     /  February 28, 2015

    I feel you sister. Hay 2 weeks ago my son threw up on my favorite pillow and my 13 year old daughter wore my favorite new undies and pooped in them same day I was like what the fuck right.

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  20. Amen sister! Thank you for saying what we were ALL thinking!!!

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  21. Joanne hopkins

     /  February 28, 2015

    I don’t miss those days , not even one little bit ! I am now 60 and help out with my grand children as much as I can . The nice thing is when I have had enough , when it’s not fun anymore I give them back ! And I get as much sleep As I want !😝. All I can say is welcome to the parent club , this too shall pass ! Oh by the way , wait till the teenage years , when you stay up half the night waiting for the little bastards to come home !

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  22. Hope

     /  February 28, 2015

    Wow. Couk d not have said it better. I really liked Tegan’s suggestion if turning it back on them! My worst offender is my mother saying the be grateful speech. She’s going to get that turned on her next time!

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  23. The best thing I’ve read for ages. Struggling and gratitude are not polar opposites. Wish I’d written it 😉

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  24. nicole

     /  February 28, 2015

    the sleep omg i miss sleep even my 6 year old son still comes into my bed.. i wake up with a foot shoved in my back and my spine bent in a weird way.. no matter how many times you wake up and shove them to the other side of the bed they just keep doing it arhggg not to mention when my 2 year old wants mum cause its 3am in the morning and shes hungry so that automatically means its breakfast time and morning.
    I was happy 2 of my kids made it past 5.. but im suprised my back hasnt been destroyed.
    its the small thing you hate it hate it hate it and than for a second you get i love you mum or you see them do something so sweet or they hug you than you love it until they pull your hair start complaining throw poo at you or projectile vomite on you than you hate it but you love it. #parenting #lifesgottonconfusing

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  25. Yep, every so often I think I miss the baby stage – before he could talk, and argue, and be hurtful (intentionally or unintentionally). But then I remember the depression, the feeling of “unmotherhood” (I spent 8 months waiting for “the baby”‘s mother to come and collect him), followed by the all-encompassing, heart-wracking guilt… and I don’t miss any of it. I don’t want to go back there. It. Is. HARD. So incredibly hard. Then and now.

    Short version of long story: My own mum used to love to say “now you know what I went through with you”. No, mum – you really don’t. Then she came to visit last year, when he was 9 (hasn’t seen him, except Skype, since he was 2, because she lives overseas). She hasn’t said it since. What I did get was “now I get it. You were intense, but this is something else.” Yes, mum – I know. I do sometimes wonder if we’d had another child if it would have helped “dilute” him a little…

    I hear you, mama. Behind every awesome kid is a mum who thinks she’s screwing everything up. We have to believe we’re not. It doesn’t get easier – it gets DIFFERENT.

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  26. Natalie

     /  February 28, 2015

    oh yes… FUCK THAT SHIT. I hated being told to be grateful and that I would miss it. I can tell you right now I do NOT miss my kids being babies. They were babies, they grew, and now they are at school I am in no way sad that i wasn’t “grateful” enough while they were small. I enjoyed and cherished them at every step but it was HARD. And I wanted someone to acknowledge that it was hard and not make me a terrible person because it wasn’t all rainbows and lollipops. It’s better to be putting it out there that you are overwhelmed and need a little support than the lie I see all the time where people post constantly about how much of a blessing their life as a mother is, and how their child is their world every waking moment because I’ve seen behind the scenes and that is a massive cry for help from someone who needs support so desperately, but has been shut down by the “grateful” crowd.

    Now my youngest is at school all I get asked is “when are you having the next one?” “Ooh I bet you’re clucky again” “Hurry up and get pregnant again!” FUCK YOU AND FUCK OFF is my internal reaction and my outside one is barely more civil!!

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  27. Roz

     /  February 28, 2015

    I was so grateful that I nearly took my own life from exhaustion, not feeling heard and an overwhelming feeling of failure. I hear you and understand exactly what you are saying. Hang in there xx

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  28. ok…so I am now 60; when I was in my early 20s I had 3 kids in 2.5 years and I know it was a living nightmare sometimes; prior to kids I could sleep till 3pm on Sunday without really trying…after the kids I didnt have a lie in for nearly 5 years. At one time I was breastfeeding 2 of them, and all 3 were in nappies at night. Many nights were spent in the spare room with a baby each side and holding hands with the third who was in her cot. I honestly can’t remember much of it now…my kids are 33, 34 and 35 now. Nature blank’s most of the bad bits out…and I think that is part of the problem, when your kids grow up you forget the hard times and remember the good bits. Our youngest just got married and we had all our children staying in our house, as all 3 live outside of England that doesnt happen often. It was brilliant and there were lots of memories shared of when they were little…and you are nostalgic for the lovely times. Im sure the comments are no meant to upset or irritate, though I am sure they do…. but take heart…you wont remember the crappy times or not many of them anyway, it will all be rose coloured one day and you will wonder why young mums complain so much!!!

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  29. I feel like I wrote this in my brain, and it mysteriously showed up on the internet. A-fucking-MEN.

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  30. Sister! I hear you! And can I get an amen for this article!? I understand you in every way possible! I lump all parents especially mothers into the category of “those who remember” and “those who don’t.” I’ve written about this in other ways, here, http://wp.me/p1M11-yN, and here, http://wp.me/p1M11-wR and I’m sure other places. And I freaking LOVE your article/post! Also a spectacular ending! Especially the first bullet point! I could add a few to that bullet list! Wishing you sleep and an end to that dreaded, “Enjoy this time! It won’t last forever!” phrase. Barf. And thank goodness, 🙂
    Love you!
    Aimée

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  31. This is perfect. Thank you.

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  32. champagnecole

     /  February 28, 2015

    You rock! I absolutely love this.
    I don’t have kids but get the same sort of thing all the time – I’m stressed, tired, overworked and get told to be grateful I have a job. I am, but wtf? I’d be more grateful if I had a million dollars and could spend my days playing Candy Crush (I don’t even have time to find out what Candy Crush is!!!).
    Telling people how you feel is a good thing. These same people will be all over the Internet for R U OK day…

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  33. Well, my mom frequently reminds me that I never slept as a child, and now I’m a writer and psychiatric nurse, so…there’s hope?

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  34. Linda

     /  February 28, 2015

    I fucking *** LOVE***** you!!! You made my night. I laughed so hard and I needed that. Thank you!!!!!!

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  35. Zoe

     /  February 28, 2015

    You sound like me! I have also been brutally honest about how I feel. Luckily I havent had too many arseholes comment on how lucky I am!

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  36. Julie

     /  February 28, 2015

    OMG I can so relate. My boys are now 21 & 18 and guess what, I still have to clean up spew. These little cherubs have grown up and now drink till they can’t fit anymore in and make their way home or ring me to pick them up in the middle of the night. On the odd occasion they have made it home got to bed then spewed all that alcohol up. Whilst cleaning them up I am reminded of these same little cherubs when they were little and how often I wished them grown up and I could sleep at least 8 hours and they could look after themselves.

    It does get easier and you do get your life back and yeah they can come pick you up from a night out occasionally but they are always loved and I wouldn’t trade them for anything. Parenting is a roller coaster with a lot of thrills. Hang in there for the ride of your life.

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  37. Jeanbroderick

     /  February 28, 2015

    Very well said, as a mum to a busy 9month old& a super energetic nearly 3year old , I am fit to collapse 6 out of the 7 days from being up at night& going all day. Working in a health care job to top it off , I’m like fffccckkk off to every one who says “u should be grateful& smile more” . It not easy at all, keep up ur posts & gud on you for speaking the truth xxxx

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  38. LeighSanders

     /  February 28, 2015

    i know exactly where you’re coming from. I have twins. They’re 22 now but I remember what it was like not sleeping. I breastfed for 13 months. I used to get 3 hours of broken sleep a night. I would fall asleep at traffic lights. People would visit and comment on how messy the house was. No fucking shit. Felt like saying get yourself on the end of the vacuum cleaner or a tea towel. Insensitive arseholes. I was looking forward to the light at the end of the tunnel and all I could see was a black hole in front of me. People would say ooh twins how do you cope. I wanted to shout I don’t I want to kill my children just so I can sleep

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  39. Amy

     /  February 28, 2015

    Yes yes yes
    We are grateful we are tired we love and we cringe
    Would never change anything for the world just dont talk to me and listen to me whinge about my child being an evil monster 👹 even though i know they aren’t but right now at this point in time my tired eyes see an evil monster 👹 but my heart feels tons of love 👼 x
    Mummas are magical beings and we all deserve medals for all the work we do for our families
    Hip hip hooray
    Hip hip hooray
    Hip hip hooray
    ❤💙💚💛💜💖💕💗💟💞💘💝

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  40. mbcontessa

     /  February 28, 2015

    oh how I wish the interwebs were around when mine were bubbas. (Now adults) I found it all extremely challenging. I would love to have found like-minded sistas to share my discontent with. I would not, however have enjoyed being told endlessly to “be grateful” or being trolled, by those who thought it meant I was a “bad mumma”. It’s a tough gig and relentless and when you are in it, it’s hard not to look at everyone else living their non-kid lives and want to be there.
    And I didn’t co-sleep, (luckily, We managed to get them all to sleep early and in their own cot/beds) because I’m sorry, my sleep is vital and I can hardly stand sharing my bed with another adult!
    But, basically…yeah Fuck of all you “it’ll be over before you know it” people and LISTEN.
    You want I bring vodka and cake? X

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  41. Kelly

     /  February 28, 2015

    I always get angry that, here I am being a funny comedian, AND can’t you see I’ve developed an awesome coping strategy to get through life, because there’s funny everywhere, especially when life is shitting on you, BUT you’ve just made me look like an asshole because you don’t get my humor and you think I’m actually complaining.

    But then I just remember that they didn’t get my humor so it must not be very fun to live in their head.

    My kid is grown up. I still get people who misunderstand my funny posts about hitting all the red lights and spilling coffee down my shirt. That shit is funny, because I have a dry sense of humor. I’m the Monty Python, the Charlie Chaplin, the Mr Bean, of my own life.

    I don’t enjoy people who don’t have a sense of humor.

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  42. I have three grown children and I do miss those sweet little cuddles and the cuteness of them as babies. I definitely don’t miss being so tired I could cry, going in a group to the toilet, shower, everywhere and never having a moment to myself. I love my babies dearly and am grateful for every minute I have spent with them. I am also grateful they are now grown up – coz that’s pretty awesome too.

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  43. alison

     /  February 28, 2015

    I said the following to a few new moms i know:
    ” i have, in the past, made it my personal mission to inform new mommies that–GASP!–this job is FREAKIN HARD! and sometimes you’ll wish you were dead. and sometimes you’ll resent your kid. motherhood brought out in me a level of anger i was previously unable or unwilling to access or tolerate. I thought i would have been better off if at least ONE mom had told me how FREAKIN HARD it is. maybe they did, but i was too wide-eyed and idealistic to believe them. maybe they never gave me details. maybe details are only to be shared with those you know won’t judge you for your *sometimes* hatred of this otherwise *BLISSFUL* experience. either way, i felt it would be helpful to other new moms to let them know what depths you might sink to, so they don’t feel alone, insane, or just plain BAD for feeling that way. but i kept getting met with looks or responses that I WAS WRONG, or BAD or INSANE for saying so. like…really? no one else is feeling that way? or are we just too afraid to admit it, and someone else saying it out loud somehow breaks down our facade? i stopped being so vocal about it. i stopped giving new mommies the permission i wished i’d had to feel crappy and to be miserable and to just hate the job sometimes. and i wish i never had given up on that, cause i know that deep down, some women appreciated it. some women agreed. so i’m going to start again, thanks to this article. Hey, your baby is gorgeous and perfect and wonderful in every way. AND there’s nothing wrong with you if you hate the job sometimes and resent your kid and get mad at him for crying or being a baby. motherhood is FREAKIN HARD, FYI. and it’s normal to feel lousy sometimes. and it gets better and worse and harder and easier and more delightful and more nerve-wracking and less nerve-wracking and all that. Motherhood is the ultimate paradox. and you’re doing great, even when it doesn’t feel like it. your kid will grow up fine, and screwed up and wonderful and frustrating and will evoke pride and anger and joy and sadness and…always…LOVE.”

    and one of them, just one, but an important one that i used to love and respect greatly, said the following in response to me:
    ” I’m all for venting–releasing a bit of the steam that builds up as we chug through life. I’m also choosing to refrain from complaining about the challenges of parenting, especially on facebook, because I chose this job, I love it, and it is what I make it.”

    i wanted to throttle her. i still do, every time i think of her young mother, one kid, holier-than-thou, condescending response. FUCK THAT SHIT “it is what i make it.” Bite me.

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  44. Chickenpig

     /  February 28, 2015

    I remember thinking while I was changing one of my twins, and sobbing, “I worked so hard to get here I should be enjoying this, but I’m not, and I probably won’t be able to have another baby, so I should enjoy this while I can, but I can’t” Right now I would give anything to be able to have another baby, and I do miss it, but I would never say it to an exhausted mother, EVER. Because it is the worse feeling in the world, loving them, being grateful, missing it already, and still being miserable tired and dirty all the time and just FED UP. You shouldn’t feel guilty for not loving EVERY MINUTE OF IT besides.

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  45. Hi is it possible to email you? thanks

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  46. I really hope that when I reach that stage, I’ll offer a ” can I watch them for you while you (eat, shower or have a nap) instead of the you’ll miss it crap. My youngest is 13, but when my oldest was a toddler, I lost my family and had no one to offer that moment of respite… And I got the crap all the time from people who couldn’t bother to put themselves in my shoes for a moment and see the hormone screwed up sleep deprived crazy person that I was becoming…I hear you I so hear you. Empathy is sorely lacking in our world.. I am so grateful, and we all survived…but man there are some people I’d still like to slap!

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  47. clodaghduke

     /  February 28, 2015

    Well done you!
    I’m happily retired, with two grown up ‘adult’ kids whom I love with all my heart, but there is no way that I would want to relive the growing years. You have put it so well…….you have no ‘me’ space. No privacy (even taking a poo had to have an audience) and you only have about an inch of a super king sized bed!
    Neither of them have produced any offspring, so I’m off the hook for babysitting/childminding duties for the time being….phew.
    I can tell you that when they grow up and you have yourself back, you rediscover the joy of having noisy sex again. Getting drunk (although it takes you longer to recover from the hangovers) and you are able to go out without it costing a fortune in babysitters…….oh….and you don’t talk about the ‘babies’ while you are out! Adult stuff!
    One thing you should always remember is just how strong you are. Life teaches us a lot but motherhood really stretches us…..wayyy out of our comfort zone. Looking back to that time and then looking at who you have become will surprise you, I know it has me. And I like who I am as a result of those experiences.
    Keep on writing the truth, it can be funny and poignant at the same time.

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  48. Shawna

     /  February 28, 2015

    OMG I LOVE IT!! Our 4 year old comes in the room and pokes my forehead and if I ignore it, I usually get a little peck with a “mommy….? Can I sleep with you please” and I have to say no because I feed our (now) 1 year old in my bed at night as it’s easier to side bf. And she gets Soo upset. To which I reply “fine”, we shove daddy against the wall and I patiently wait for her to pass out Sobi can put her back in her bed all for our 1 yr old to wake up. And then I do as you do. Look at this I’ve been up for 3 hours putting one kid to sleep all to have the next wake up. And I get the same stupid replies as you do it drives me nuts. Ppl think that just because you post something it means you want their deep thoughts on the matter. Ok I get it your old random just starting out but seriously I REALLY want my SLEEP!!

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